It is a widely accepted fact that dads are more better than moms. Here’s some of the reasons why:
- Dads are more useful in a fist fight.
- Dads are more calm and collected in an emergency.
- Dads have bigger muscles and smaller attention spans.
- Dads think more like children more often.
- Dads want to buy cooler things than moms do.
- Dads break things more often than moms do.
- Dads can throw kids higher than moms can.
- Dads are driven to success at the cost of everything around them, thus kids are more driven to success due to absence of father’s inherent acceptance and love, which means dads make kids more successful.
- Dads can grow mustaches.
- Dads can grow hair on their knuckles.
- Dads remember less.
- Dads can make themselves heavier than moms, i.e., steamroller.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is a dad.
- Dads can grow mustaches (this one’s worth two).
- Dads are better at just throwing money at problems and expecting that to make it better, i.e., more toys, more often.
- Dads can shape farts to make different sounds.
- Dads could paint pictures with their farts if they wanted to. They just don’t want to.
- Dads make more room in their mind for important, potentially money-making information like sports scores by discarding less important facts like which dishes requiring “doing” and what mom wore on their first date.
- Only a father has the subtle power and delicate artisanal craftiness to build a snowman with both heart and structural integrity. Also, only dad knows where to “put” the “dirty snow”.
- Dads make better Santas than moms do.
- Dads make better tacos than moms do.
- The only person to ever successfully wrestle a unicorn to the ground with nothing but his bare hands was a dad (and he only had, like, 2 manna points and couldn’t even use his last enchantment!).
And that’s just the beginning! What are some other reasons why dads are better than moms? Please comment and let us know! I think we can make the definitive and comprehensive list.
About Father Apprentice
From @bigelliot: Atomic elbow drops… moms always screw those up!
Dad’s make better sound effect.
I’m only going to argue with you on two points here, Chase
“Dads are more useful in a fist fight.” I’ve known quite a few dads that are only useful in a fist fight as fodder.
“Dads make better tacos than moms do.” Any dad that makes better tacos than I, needs to make them for me.
Perhaps you forgot or feel befuddled, for a fodderful father in a fist fight is not necessarily feeble! Often times feeble fist fighters are fabricating a facade… In fact, I once faked fodder in a fight, familiarizing my foe with my frailty… then, fRAM! I fuck’d ‘em up! So what may feel like an un-functional father may in fact be a full-on fRAMmmer!
I don’t know what to say about the whole taco thing.
Dads make better forts
OH TOTALLY!!!!!!!!11! Because dads full on geek out about forts… My kid isn’t even at fort-age yet, and I’m thinking about all the cool stuff I can do in the house.
Holla that. Dad’s are much better structural engineers when it comes to couch cushions and blankets.
Men don’t multi-task, so you’re always sure that if a baby needs a new diaper, he/she will get that G.D. new diaper.
BOOM! We’re like horses with blinders on…
Two things, 1. I’ve known some women with mustaches, Dad’s is just socially acceptable. 2. When dad’s kill bugs, we KILL bugs, NO MERCY.
H AH AH A!!! love that. So true. And lets be honest, if there’s bugs to be killed, mom’s nowhere in sight.
I think you’re right – dads ARE better than moms. In our house, the dad is way better at doing the laundry than the mom. Also way better at cooking and shopping for food. And making the kids lunches and getting the kids to school. He’s so good at it that I never challenge him or interfere.
And I always say thank-you.
ouch… stings a bit. BUT DADS ARE SO MUCH BETTER AT TAKING PAIN THAN MOMS ARE! :)
Dads are more enchanted with fire, and more likely to blow things up either on accident or on purpose.
Dads are better at helping kids recover from injury by denying the pain. “You’re ok. You’re ok. Rub some dirt on it. Don’t tell Mom, okay?”
Dads are more inclined to let kids try out the sketchy gigantic swing ride at the traveling carnival, even if the repair guy smells like Old Turkey (the food or the drink).
Dads are better at teaching their kids how to stack a cord of wood.
Where a Mom will stack relentlessly and in a neat “row”.
Dads will take frequent breaks, build a firewood cavern instead of a stupid row, and generally take 3 weeks to finish the job, allowing more time for more important things than stacking stupid dumb wood.
Dads are better than mom’s because we always keep the toilet seat up for our sons (who keep the toilet bowl clean by sterilizing the sides with their urine)
Don’t know if it was mentioned, but Dad’s drive better! Straight Up!
Dads are better at encouraging and celebrating truly great feats. For instance, my 5 year old son managed to kick his shoe on top of the freezer section at Walmart. My wife was not pleased. If I was there, I would have hoisted him onto my shoulders and taken a victory lap around the store.
Dads are innovators. When mom says “no cursing”, Dads find words like “crack-hole” to fill in the void.
Also, dads can make things sound dirty to only a few people in the room… selective dirtiness, like “break room” in the following sentence:
“Ok, you’re all setup in your high chair, k? You hang out here and eat your dinner while daddy helps mom clean her ‘break room’.”
Dad’s let and encourage their kids take bigger risks.
Dads are better at making Moms ‘think’ they are better at everything so they do all the crappy stuff while we have fun with the kids.
Dad’s can break everything, yes – but less you forget, Dad’s can FIX everything too! We have duct tape, glue, and power toooooolzzzz!
I’ve waited and waited. How’s so many more better dads didn’t site the most obvious? Some of the above were far more meaningful, but still, only dads can write their names in the snow, maybe even the sand, and piss on tires, all while holding tutorial on this legacy to the young menfolk in the family. Girls do, however make better snow angels. Great place to write “John” (there’s not usually enough natural, more better fuel for “Johnny”)
Dad’s are so much better than mom’s because mom’s are always judging the appearance of their child, as for the dad, they don’t really mind just unless it’s appropriate. Mom’s think that what they love is what their child will automatically love as well. Dad’s give their child a wide variety of things their child want to do. For example, my dad doesn’t care if i dye my hair pink as for my mom, well she wants her “opinion” to be always right.
Dads have poorer hearing – which leaves a bunch more room for self discovery and mayhem.
Dads have poorer hearing – which means they can’t tell when it’s suspiciously quiet.
Dad’s are more likely to say “yes” – without fully puzzling out the implications.
Dad’s are more likely to accept your story on face value and are more likely to pretend that they do, even if they don’t.
Dad’s are not as concerned about being fair, which means that you should either complain the loudest or the first.
Dads are worried about getting in trouble with mom as well.
Too true! Thanks Rick
Did you actually forget to include “Chuck Norris is a dad.”??!!??!!?!!1!!!1?!?!!11?!?!ELEVENTY!!
Hahaa! Yeah LMAO I love this blog, freaking awesome, and why dont you put a like button for each comment LOL some of these comments are so hilarious and awesome!! Hey why dont you add a forum to your site please LOL!!